I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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