I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize