So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
