I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
