We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
