First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My vagina is very pro this idea
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
