Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
there is glitter all over my balls
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