Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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