he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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