Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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