So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
