He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
What a dumb baby whore.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
