So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
