Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
