We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
