it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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