I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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