I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
it was like eating out sand paper
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
