what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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