i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
