two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
