I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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