Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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