im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
