we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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