Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
