when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
