She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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