God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
