6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize