I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
