he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
