It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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