First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
