like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
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