I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
