First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
