I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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