Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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