So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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