I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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