her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Fuck appropriateness.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
