When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
