Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
