called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
