he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
