Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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