you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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