and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
