i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
