at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
