Can Purell be used as lube?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
