1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize