is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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