and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
