I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
