i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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