So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
