I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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