Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
