No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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