ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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