If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize