His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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