I swear she didn't look like that last week.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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