Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
