i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
