The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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