Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Randomize
