That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
