: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize