it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
what is it with giant penises always finding me
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
