my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
