i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
