I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
