Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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