Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
