I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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