I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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