the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
