i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
