Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
