i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
