we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
