she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
