First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
