He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
So much Jack, so little girl.
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