none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
