he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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