I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I think my fart just growled at me.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
