A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
