This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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