I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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