I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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