im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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