i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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