He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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