oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
